Liveing with
FM and other chonic illnesses
Resistance is futile
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Despite what the tile says, this is not about "giving in" to Fibromyaliga or any number of other chronic aliments. This is about what we all tend to do, which is resist the changes the disease demands. We all try and fight doing the things that we need to do, in order to "let the dragon sleep" on site link.

We totaly HATE the fact that some disease now has control over our lives. The disease has no mind, despite how it often seems that it does. It is not out to "get us." It is what it is, period. And it has an often long list of things that will set it off or make things worse for us. We either live our lives according to its "rules" for lack of a better term or, we suffer for it. To a man, we resist this idea. 

This is not a bad thing, to a point. As this is the same drive that makes us try and find ways to make things better for ourselves. It is the things we do NOT want to do however, that the disease demands to avoid flare ups, and sprials, that we tend to have trouble with.

Example: If you are a diabitic and you find that you have to eat or not eat, according to whatever the numbers say you should. I know of no one with DB who does not cuss this idea. My husband being a prime example. We rail at the idea because are not childeren. We do NOT like being told what to do or how to do it. Espically if it means going hungery or stuffing ourselves with more food than we want, to counter the insulin we are required to take. ( Insulin lowers your blood surgar, weither it needs lowering or not, so this is a real concern. )

For FM this means that we avoid things like:

Taking a break:
To a man, we reisit this idea. Even if it means the infamous Push Crash, on site link
.
What we all tend to do on the "good" days, is to try and get everything done that we had to let go on the bad days. This is without a doubt, our worst mistake.  It is not just the idea that things need doing, it is also the fact that others will try and guilt trip us into doing more than is good for us. Which often happens, as socity at large does not understand FM. But we even do it to ourselves as we are not going to " let FM win." We even call ourselves FM warriors, as for us, it is a fight everyday of our lives. However, FM holds all the cards in this game. But we try, HARD, to game that system, often out of sheer stubborness. This behavior comes at a cost.

Deferment:
Where we have to delay or outright delgate tasks to others. This one comes very hard. Most Fmers are and were, very stong minded and independant people, before Fibromyalgia struck. We are not used to asking for help. It feels like we are weak, helpless and a whole host of other adjectives, that make us want to scream. We fight tooth and nail, rather than accept this. Now, the facts are you are NOT weak, or helpless. You are NOT shirking your resonsablities. None of those negtive words that ramble around your head, are true. But it is very hard to belive that, when every one from your PCP or speialist's are trying to put all the blame on you. But you need to delegate anyway.

Not asking for help:
Life with FM is like having a clumsy room mate ... who talks too much. Who has to be brow beaten into doing their fair share, much less extending a hand to help you when you need it. But to persist we must ask for a hand.. and at times, outright demand it,  if our life is to have any hope of being productive. This is a learning process. We, who were typically very independant, have to relearn how to rely on others. As that is what we are in fact, doing. It is not about, as it often seems, becoming co-dependant. This is the bug-a-bear we all are afraid of. No, it is a process whereby, we have to give up control over every little thing and trust someone else... to do it. And at the same time, to NOT feel any guilt or shame for the fact that we cannot.. do it all.

Guilt trips and loss of control:
Now, keep in mind, this... do it all ... with gusto, plays just fine in beer comericals. It does not work well in real life. We never did... do it all. We like to think so, boy do we like to think so.  But the fact is back when we thought we could do whatever we set our mind to, we felt perfectly in contol. So it did not matter if this thing or that, was farmed out to someone else. Truth be said, being able to do so is something we looked on as being powerful. As being so in control, that we even contoled the actions of others.  But now that we cannot do it all and must ask for...ugh... help we count as shameful. Nonense, on both counts.

To start with, the whole guilt trip thing is not only bad mentally.. it is bad on the body. "Guilt is fueled by negative thinking. Studies show that thinking negative thoughts increases the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline. Cortisol and adrenaline can increase heart rate, blood pressure and inflammation throughout the body (Share care )"

Shame is another one that seems harmless enough right? No so:  Frist off, let us clear up a little misunderstanding. Shame and embrassment are not.. one in the same.

Embarrassment = feeling self-conscious and ill at ease as a result of something that happened. It can be a temporary result of a situation.

Shame = feeling of distress at having done something wrong or foolish. It can be caused by humiliation or guilt. ( Ouora  )